Thursday, October 31, 2013

Bipolar Homecoming emotions

Homecoming seems to be a little confusing. I thought I'd get extreme happy feelings and emails telling me how excited he is to come home. I am suppose to be excited he is coming home. Having butterflies and anxious. Don't get me wrong I'm anxious but I'm so confused. I can't stop crying now. It's like really. I have seen him post about how he can't wait to be home and see the dogs go nuts (pretty much).

I also seem to be getting upset of stupid little things. Like how all the emails lately are about sleep,  or how I don't remember seeing an "I love you" for a few days.  I mean don't get me wrong I know he loves me. But when I go out of my way to make a post or something sweet and all I get is an ok, it stings.

I'm feel the same way I did right before he left. It's horrible. I'm ready for him to be home, but the emotions are everywhere and I can't deal with that. Well maybe they will be better tomorrow. We'll see.

More posts to come.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013


As we get closer to homecoming, I have found myself a wreck. Not like crying or anything just overwhelmed. I am so excited I don't even know where to begin. So I decided I will start writing and see where that takes me. Though I feel like I'm missing things :/. I just don't know what. I have also put a "box" together for his birthday, our anniversary, and homecoming for him! :)

Homecoming To-Do

List Clean House (it's getting there)

Get Hair Done  

Find a cute outfit - yes I put this in there. 
Get dogs groomed (scheduled)
Figure out who on mac's side is coming
Mac's car cleaned
Get a markers
Get alcohol
Get Brother the night before (planned)
few other things -since he is now reading these :p

My hair, it looks different in person.
I'm starting to miss my long hair.
Do you think there should be anything else added to this list?

  Daisypath Vacation tickers

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Why Petty...

Is it me...? Or something arguing over something petty hurts?

 Today happened to start out great. I went hiking with two girlfriends. I got to facetime with mac a bit; until my phone said 10 percent. So I asked him to call back in a few hours as I was hiking. He was all for it. Well, my hike continued a bit over two hours. So when it was over I hurried home. I made it home and continued to charge my phone. I told him I had to go to the bathroom and I'd be ready. So I did. I didn't hear from him for a while, ok fine maybe he went to bed. Well, about two hours later he messages sorry, I just got internet again. That was awesome. So, Mac and I facetimed again. This time it didn't last very long.

 Well, of course we started talking. I went into to talking about how I needed to go grocery shopping we have nothing. I haven't done major grocery shopping like we do. Well, I don't think he liked that........ I heard nothing on his end for a while. He put his camera on pause. So I ended the conversation, 1) sound was going in and out 2) he didn't seem like he wanted to talk.....

 Boy, was I almost right. From that point forward our messages dealt with how I didn't go shopping.  He was asking if I haven't been eating good or at all for that matter, what I was eating, how often I ate when I was staying at my moms. That was all. I answered all his questions. I've been eating. I even told him I really don't want to argue about this. He went on to say it's unhealthy. I never went grocery shopping like we did because it all goes bad before I eat it. After a bit of silence, I told him to enjoy his last night there & I loved him & would talk to him later. I received "I can talk I just don't know what to say."  Of course, my response, Yeah, I can see that. And that's not usually like you. Finally the response that hit me: Just another thing to add on to the stress list. I'll be alright.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Rough one

Today is one of those days. I'm really missing Mac. The last time I heard from Mac was the end of September. I really just want to here his voice or even an email just letting me know he is alright. (Though I'm sure he is). The picture above I took it makes me feel closer a little bit. It's a spot I can go to and feel some what stress free. October hasn't seemed to go by as fast as the other months. 224 days down! 

Just staying strong! Head up chin held high and push through like he would want me to! :)

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Don't Judge a Book by its Cover

Good evening. I hope you all are doing great.
I have a friend who has a little boy with a disorder I have never heard of. She has explained how those, who have no idea what the disorder is, makes rude comments or statements that upsets here. So, this brings me here.

Before you talk about anything, please know the topic you are talking about or at least know what the person is dealing with before you judge them. So this brings me to my life and helping you each understand a bit more about me. I have narcolepsy. It is something I will have to live with. (Along with many others, some worse than others).
I'm sorry this may be long.
But it's good if you understand.

Don't Give Up!

Good afternoon! 

Everyone here has something that they may be struggling with, that is ok. If we never struggled we would not learn. We all have things that happen and you just want to give up. Well, your attitude towards it will depend on how things go for you. 

Deployments are rough, underway can be too. It just depends on you as a person. It's been 7 months since Mac & I said our "see you laters". We both have been through a lot. I won't lie, however I can't say what he has been through because I personally wasn't there. In these past 7 months, everything that has happened I could drag around being depressed about but I don't. Day one of the deployment not even 24 hours after he left the toilet overflowed (soaked the floor). I took a deep breath and thanked god I am renting. I have had drama, instead of getting worked up someone is talking crap about me, I smiled. I smile, because I know she is only doing it out of jealousy. I lost my cat of 12 years. But I told myself she lived a great life and she left on her own time. I've had issues with my health fighting doctors to just look at me. However, I know that soon I will get an answer when the time is right. 

Now, let's think, if I had an horrible attitude I wouldn't be writing this. I would be depressed and time would go by so much slower.  However, I will say your friends help sway your attitude in life. (One sour apple can turn a group of apples bad). Also Remember you are not alone, there are people that may even have things worse than you. (Just don't try to compare your life to someone else, it never goes well).

Monday, October 7, 2013

It's How You Get Back Up...

I'm sure everyone has been knocked down once before. It doesn't have to strictly be physical. You could even be knocked down mentally or by words. Each way hurts one way or another. So when you are down you have two options. One- stay down or Two- get back up and prove that ass wrong.

What do you choose?

Well, I choose to get back up!

So below, I'm writing this to let people know that one who talks the most about others, or knocks you down usually envies your life. So no matter what they say, your true friends will know it's not true. So I will put everything out there. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask :)

The one who tries to knock you down the most, usually envies your life

This deployment hasn't not been friendly. I have had my ass handed to me. People in my life instead of their own. I have meet the wives that are the reasoning why navy wives have a stereotype. I have been majority drama free and help myself busy. The beginning was the hardest. No matter what happened, I won't talk crap about this navy wife, who I will call Jane Doe (not her real name). Well, on a "girls night out", there was four of us, I decided to have a good time and drink a bit. (got DRUNK). Anyways, near the end of the night, I saw a classmate from middle and high school. I didn't tell the other girls I knew him. we talked for a bit, then he left. Later, I did get sick in the bathroom so we left. well actually we sat down and waiting for me to come down a bit. While we all sat and waiting, two men came and talked with us. These wives decided to make plans to hang out somewhere else, I couldn't because I was due to work. I don't know how much longer after that we started walking to the car except I hurt my ankle so I decided to ask for a piggyback ride to the car, the guy said yes.

Well not even a week later. I am being told I messaged Jane Doe's husband and told him that she was cheating on him, she supposedly has proof. I have never seen this proof. Well, then I am being told that I have had my picture taking when talking to the classmate and getting the piggyback ride (well, my husband knows that whole story). So if I didn't tell her it was me she was sending it to my husband. Whatever. Go ahead. Jane Doe and another wife decided it would be best if we never hung out again until things were straight. I made it easy and never contacted them again.

Well, it's back! I have been informed I'm being called a drugie(because I use to be a lot heavier). I am a cheater supposedly guys stay at my house and I sleep with them. (And I have told someone because they have proof, which I haven't seen).Nearly 6 or 7 months ago it is still being talked about. Which honestly, I could careless. She really doesn't know what has happened in my life, so she can call me whatever she wants or do whatever she wants. My husband knows almost everything I do & that is all that matters :).

With all this being said, I have learned to be more cautious when meeting anyone. I love meeting new people but it takes time for me to truly give a friendship it's all up front! But that doesn't stop me from having GREAT FRIENDSHIPS! I have met some of the best people since this incident.

I wouldn't change this deployment for anything!! I've learned a lot.

Remember those who talk envy. I put this all out there for those who may know or not know. Don't let anyone get you down.  :) If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. :)

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Government Shutdown ...

Well, as everyone is probably aware as of 12:01 this morning the government began it's shutdown. This can be overwhelming for most.

About an hour after the shutdown began at 12:01 a.m. ET Tuesday, House members voted to once again tack on the anti-Obamacare amendments that the Senate has said is a deal-breaker. They also requested a conference with the Senate to work out their differences. 
 The shutdown won’t happen all at once. The federal government is the country’s largest employer.
Federal employees who are considered essential will continue working. Those deemed non-essential — more than 800,000 — will be furloughed, unsure when they’ll be able to work or get paid again. Most furloughed federal workers are supposed to be out of their offices within four hours of the start of business Tuesday. To Read More Click Here

 Military you will still get paid Obama has signed an act requiring that. However there are a few loops.
None of us know for sure how long this shutdown will last, but to alleviate some of your anxiety and address some of you questions, below is what we know to date:
Pay and bonuses:
  • For basic pay/Basic Allowance for Subsistence (BAS)/Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH)
    • During the shutdown, military members will be paid on time. Excepted civilians (civilians not furloughed) will receive pay — still working the through the details on exactly when — will provide updated info when we get it.
  • Bonuses
    • No new bonus agreements (enlistment/reenlistment) can be entered into during the period of a government shutdown.
    • Anniversary payments: No payments can be made during the shutdown. Members will be paid retroactively after government reopens.
  • Special and incentive pays (i.e. example Imminent Danger Pay (IDP)/Hardship Duty Pay (HDP)/Hazard Duty Incentive Pay (HDIP)
    • No payments will be made during a government shutdown. Members will be paid retroactively once the government reopens.
It goes on to talk about Navy Personnel Command, Education impact, Training support centers, Great lakes and learning sites, advancements, an additional information. This article can be found at What We Know Now About The Government Shutdown

****This has changed since I last wrote this post. I will update it as soon as I can. :) I know that specialized pay will still be received now