Holidays Cheer

With the holidays literally around the corner, I try to share the cheer. But this year it seems to be really hard to get the mood. I managed to get Mac gifts however, the rest is all blah. I even tried to go see the lights at Botanical Gardens. They were amazing but just didn't helped.

So now, I'm still trying. I think it was because Mac was gone all year. I have the tree set up. presents under it. & Thanks to my mother in law there are now more presents.

Although, there are presents, I want to take a step back. Christmas isn't about the presents, it is about family and friends. However, I knew that years ago. I am shamed to admit I looked forward to gifts every year expect this one! I guess it took me being married and having my husband gone majority of the year to realize this. I have everything I want and need. I have a roof over my head, food and medical, amazing animals, everything I need. Now, I have Mac here. It's everything I need. I also have more things than I did growing up and I wouldn't take it for granted now.  So, yes gifts are nice, but lets not forget the meaning behind the holidays. There are many families who don't have their loved ones home for the holidays. They would give away all gifts just to have their loved ones home.

So I leave you with this surprise homecoming video.

Happy Holidays Everyone <3

Back to reality.

Good evening,  I'm sorry I haven't wrote much a lot has taken place since my last post.

First the big news(for me)! The weekend mac got home, he got me a new car! a 2013 Hyundai Elantra.

Well, Mac took his post deployment leave, he also had it extend (this is where I will explain a past post). His leave started off rough, he fought a cold so we relaxed at home until the beginning of December. December 2nd, marked the point where his leave was extended. During his extended leave we spent time in Florida. We enjoyed our time down there but there was one main reason we were there. & here is why:

Back in April I posted a post titled one month one week. It talked about how something had happened in the family and I'd rather not post details. Well, back in April, his grandfather past away. He wasn't allowed to come home until later, which then we have to pay to send him back (WAY TO MUCH MONEY). We thought about it. But his grandfather was cremated. On December 7, 2013 we laid his ashes to rest at the South Florida National Cemetery. I'm really happy mac was able to get closure. It was nice to meet his grandmother :). I will love to go back and stay some more (I'll post pictures soon).

On another note: my health. I went back to the Rheumatologist. He told me just about all my blood word was fine, expect something with red blood cells (nothing major). But he then went on to say, "well, we know something is wrong but we don't know what. I think you should go to john Hopkins center of internal medicine. They are the best and can figure out what exactly is going on." Ok well, I listened but that won't happen unless tricare pays for it. So this begins my research. (John Hopkins hospital is in Baltimore). He told me this at my appointment on the 9th.

After the appointment, I got a little down. I was thankful Mac had arranged for me to pick up my early Christmas present. That afternoon I got to pick up our new addition to the family! Skittles, our new kitten :). She is multi-colored and about 10 weeks old. pictures to come soon.

Well, I think I have filled you in. Christmas is coming soon, so I am trying to make sure I get everything covered before it's way too late. It feels great to be back and trying to get in the groove of things again.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Keeping My Head Up

Good afternoon.

Well, another Monday has come! Today has been quite busy for me. Mac is on duty. His last duty day before he goes on leave :). I saw the Rheumatologist today. ( He hopefully may find why I have a few things wrong that I have.)

I'm not sure I like his personality. I mean I understand why he is the way he is, I think. He asked me a bunch of family history questions.  This doctor also used terms I didn't really know. If I didn't answer questions right away he would ask them again. Granted he is the first, well second now, to truly show he is looking to find the answers. He also went through some exams like making me bend over, bending my knees, feeling my senses on my hands and ankles.  The doctor closed the appointment with, "There definitely is something wrong, we are just unclear what right now. These labs may help." (As he handed me a prescription paper with 13 different labs). & Told me to have them done as soon as possible.

So what do I do, I drive to Langley and have all 13 labs done then. Almost all 13 were drawn from the same arm. But near the last 4 my vain wasn't having anymore; the tech had to switch arms. After all the labs were done, I felt extremely weak. So I have been taking it slow since.

Now I wait...........

(results in a few weeks)

Communication

In a relationship communication is key. Last night Mac and I chatted about how I was feeling. Granted he got on me for waiting so late. But I'm hoping things will change. I may be a different type of woman but I still am a woman and still want to hear things. I also don't mind the video games but when it's constant, like he is physically there but not mentally.  After we talked, I began to feel better so I'm hoping for the best :).

Tonights a duty night. lovely right? Well his leave starts soon, so I may go MIA for a little.

Remember, people aren't mind readers so if you are feeling some way you need to let that person know or else they won't know. Simple as that :).

Sorry short blog today. I will have longer blogs once my life picks back up again haha.

Readjusting.....

Well, everyone says readjusting is rough. I know see why that can be. Shortly before mac got home he received a package. This package was the Call of Duty Ghost.  Well, now I don't know. I'm glad he enjoys playing it, & I'm trying to give him his space. But something doesn't feel right. Me I rather just turn the game off and spend time with him.

Don't get me wrong we did spend sometime together before he started playing it. But now in his free time That's what it is.... Call of Duty. I wouldn't be so bothered by this but something happened today that has pushed me a bit to feel this way. Today after we got back from errands and what not, he started the game. Ok fine, so I decided to visit a friend down the street. His response was where, why, and when will I be home. I get that he is loving and caring ok, but you're playing a game I really don't want to watch. Well, I went; I wasn't even gone two hours. I come home to a disgusted look on his face...... Maybe he is drained from the game. I don't know. Honestly, I don't really know how he is truly. I ask.

When I ask I get yeah, I'm alright. So I don't push anymore. Don't get me started on cleaning.........

Time for me to get back in the groove doesn't help that I'm just not in the mood. I prefer to lay around and just lay there then do anything right now. Hopefully things will change come his soon approaching leave.

Well I will post again soon. Staying positive and hoping it's just hormones making me feel this way :)

HE'S HOME!

Well, I welcomed home the love of my life November 7th! I'm extremely happy he is home. The first night I woke up constantly just making sure he was still there. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy he is home, but it was weird to have him back. I enjoyed it! Now, it's time for us to catch up on things we missed :) but here are some pictures from our homecoming more to come!!!

Homecoming is coming....

The Kearsarge Amphibious Ready Group comprised of USS Kearsarge, USS San Antonio and USS Carter Hall will return to Norfolk, Virginia Beach and Camp Lejeune after an 8-month deployment. Kearsarge Arg To Return Home

Well, it's finally here! 8 months later and an homecoming.  I'm so anxious. I don't have much to write about in this blog because I don't want to give too much information. Also, I don't want to give information out that may be a "surprise" for Mac. So stay tuned for the blog about homecoming after it happens :).

Bipolar Homecoming emotions

Homecoming seems to be a little confusing. I thought I'd get extreme happy feelings and emails telling me how excited he is to come home. I am suppose to be excited he is coming home. Having butterflies and anxious. Don't get me wrong I'm anxious but I'm so confused. I can't stop crying now. It's like really. I have seen him post about how he can't wait to be home and see the dogs go nuts (pretty much).

I also seem to be getting upset of stupid little things. Like how all the emails lately are about sleep,  or how I don't remember seeing an "I love you" for a few days.  I mean don't get me wrong I know he loves me. But when I go out of my way to make a post or something sweet and all I get is an ok, it stings.

I'm feel the same way I did right before he left. It's horrible. I'm ready for him to be home, but the emotions are everywhere and I can't deal with that. Well maybe they will be better tomorrow. We'll see.

More posts to come.

Preparing

As we get closer to homecoming, I have found myself a wreck. Not like crying or anything just overwhelmed. I am so excited I don't even know where to begin. So I decided I will start writing and see where that takes me. Though I feel like I'm missing things :/. I just don't know what. I have also put a "box" together for his birthday, our anniversary, and homecoming for him! :)

Homecoming To-Do

List Clean House (it's getting there)

Get Hair Done  

Find a cute outfit - yes I put this in there. 

Get dogs groomed (scheduled)

Figure out who on mac's side is coming

Mac's car cleaned

Get a markers

Get alcohol

Get Brother the night before (planned)

few other things -since he is now reading these :p

My hair, it looks different in person.
I'm starting to miss my long hair.

Do you think there should be anything else added to this list?

 

Why Petty...

Is it me...? Or something arguing over something petty hurts?

 Today happened to start out great. I went hiking with two girlfriends. I got to facetime with mac a bit; until my phone said 10 percent. So I asked him to call back in a few hours as I was hiking. He was all for it. Well, my hike continued a bit over two hours. So when it was over I hurried home. I made it home and continued to charge my phone. I told him I had to go to the bathroom and I'd be ready. So I did. I didn't hear from him for a while, ok fine maybe he went to bed. Well, about two hours later he messages sorry, I just got internet again. That was awesome. So, Mac and I facetimed again. This time it didn't last very long.

 Well, of course we started talking. I went into to talking about how I needed to go grocery shopping we have nothing. I haven't done major grocery shopping like we do. Well, I don't think he liked that........ I heard nothing on his end for a while. He put his camera on pause. So I ended the conversation, 1) sound was going in and out 2) he didn't seem like he wanted to talk.....

 Boy, was I almost right. From that point forward our messages dealt with how I didn't go shopping.  He was asking if I haven't been eating good or at all for that matter, what I was eating, how often I ate when I was staying at my moms. That was all. I answered all his questions. I've been eating. I even told him I really don't want to argue about this. He went on to say it's unhealthy. I never went grocery shopping like we did because it all goes bad before I eat it. After a bit of silence, I told him to enjoy his last night there & I loved him & would talk to him later. I received "I can talk I just don't know what to say."  Of course, my response, Yeah, I can see that. And that's not usually like you. Finally the response that hit me: Just another thing to add on to the stress list. I'll be alright.

Rough one

Today is one of those days. I'm really missing Mac. The last time I heard from Mac was the end of September. I really just want to here his voice or even an email just letting me know he is alright. (Though I'm sure he is). The picture above I took it makes me feel closer a little bit. It's a spot I can go to and feel some what stress free. October hasn't seemed to go by as fast as the other months. 224 days down! 

Just staying strong! Head up chin held high and push through like he would want me to! :)

Don't Judge a Book by its Cover

Good evening. I hope you all are doing great.
I have a friend who has a little boy with a disorder I have never heard of. She has explained how those, who have no idea what the disorder is, makes rude comments or statements that upsets here. So, this brings me here.

Before you talk about anything, please know the topic you are talking about or at least know what the person is dealing with before you judge them. So this brings me to my life and helping you each understand a bit more about me. I have narcolepsy. It is something I will have to live with. (Along with many others, some worse than others).

I'm sorry this may be long.

But it's good if you understand.

Don't Give Up!

Good afternoon! 

Everyone here has something that they may be struggling with, that is ok. If we never struggled we would not learn. We all have things that happen and you just want to give up. Well, your attitude towards it will depend on how things go for you. 

Deployments are rough, underway can be too. It just depends on you as a person. It's been 7 months since Mac & I said our "see you laters". We both have been through a lot. I won't lie, however I can't say what he has been through because I personally wasn't there. In these past 7 months, everything that has happened I could drag around being depressed about but I don't. Day one of the deployment not even 24 hours after he left the toilet overflowed (soaked the floor). I took a deep breath and thanked god I am renting. I have had drama, instead of getting worked up someone is talking crap about me, I smiled. I smile, because I know she is only doing it out of jealousy. I lost my cat of 12 years. But I told myself she lived a great life and she left on her own time. I've had issues with my health fighting doctors to just look at me. However, I know that soon I will get an answer when the time is right. 

Now, let's think, if I had an horrible attitude I wouldn't be writing this. I would be depressed and time would go by so much slower.  However, I will say your friends help sway your attitude in life. (One sour apple can turn a group of apples bad). Also Remember you are not alone, there are people that may even have things worse than you. (Just don't try to compare your life to someone else, it never goes well).

It's How You Get Back Up...

I'm sure everyone has been knocked down once before. It doesn't have to strictly be physical. You could even be knocked down mentally or by words. Each way hurts one way or another. So when you are down you have two options. One- stay down or Two- get back up and prove that ass wrong.

What do you choose?

Well, I choose to get back up!

So below, I'm writing this to let people know that one who talks the most about others, or knocks you down usually envies your life. So no matter what they say, your true friends will know it's not true. So I will put everything out there. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask :)

The one who tries to knock you down the most, usually envies your life

This deployment hasn't not been friendly. I have had my ass handed to me. People in my life instead of their own. I have meet the wives that are the reasoning why navy wives have a stereotype. I have been majority drama free and help myself busy. The beginning was the hardest. No matter what happened, I won't talk crap about this navy wife, who I will call Jane Doe (not her real name). Well, on a "girls night out", there was four of us, I decided to have a good time and drink a bit. (got DRUNK). Anyways, near the end of the night, I saw a classmate from middle and high school. I didn't tell the other girls I knew him. we talked for a bit, then he left. Later, I did get sick in the bathroom so we left. well actually we sat down and waiting for me to come down a bit. While we all sat and waiting, two men came and talked with us. These wives decided to make plans to hang out somewhere else, I couldn't because I was due to work. I don't know how much longer after that we started walking to the car except I hurt my ankle so I decided to ask for a piggyback ride to the car, the guy said yes.

Well not even a week later. I am being told I messaged Jane Doe's husband and told him that she was cheating on him, she supposedly has proof. I have never seen this proof. Well, then I am being told that I have had my picture taking when talking to the classmate and getting the piggyback ride (well, my husband knows that whole story). So if I didn't tell her it was me she was sending it to my husband. Whatever. Go ahead. Jane Doe and another wife decided it would be best if we never hung out again until things were straight. I made it easy and never contacted them again.

Well, it's back! I have been informed I'm being called a drugie(because I use to be a lot heavier). I am a cheater supposedly guys stay at my house and I sleep with them. (And I have told someone because they have proof, which I haven't seen).Nearly 6 or 7 months ago it is still being talked about. Which honestly, I could careless. She really doesn't know what has happened in my life, so she can call me whatever she wants or do whatever she wants. My husband knows almost everything I do & that is all that matters :).


With all this being said, I have learned to be more cautious when meeting anyone. I love meeting new people but it takes time for me to truly give a friendship it's all up front! But that doesn't stop me from having GREAT FRIENDSHIPS! I have met some of the best people since this incident.


I wouldn't change this deployment for anything!! I've learned a lot.

Remember those who talk envy. I put this all out there for those who may know or not know. Don't let anyone get you down.  :) If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. :)

Government Shutdown ...

Well, as everyone is probably aware as of 12:01 this morning the government began it's shutdown. This can be overwhelming for most.

About an hour after the shutdown began at 12:01 a.m. ET Tuesday, House members voted to once again tack on the anti-Obamacare amendments that the Senate has said is a deal-breaker. They also requested a conference with the Senate to work out their differences. 

 The shutdown won’t happen all at once. The federal government is the country’s largest employer.

Federal employees who are considered essential will continue working. Those deemed non-essential — more than 800,000 — will be furloughed, unsure when they’ll be able to work or get paid again. Most furloughed federal workers are supposed to be out of their offices within four hours of the start of business Tuesday. To Read More Click Here

 Military you will still get paid Obama has signed an act requiring that. However there are a few loops.

None of us know for sure how long this shutdown will last, but to alleviate some of your anxiety and address some of you questions, below is what we know to date:

Pay and bonuses:

• For basic pay/Basic Allowance for Subsistence (BAS)/Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH)
  • During the shutdown, military members will be paid on time. Excepted civilians (civilians not furloughed) will receive pay — still working the through the details on exactly when — will provide updated info when we get it.

• Bonuses
  • No new bonus agreements (enlistment/reenlistment) can be entered into during the period of a government shutdown.
  • Anniversary payments: No payments can be made during the shutdown. Members will be paid retroactively after government reopens.
• Special and incentive pays (i.e. example Imminent Danger Pay (IDP)/Hardship Duty Pay (HDP)/Hazard Duty Incentive Pay (HDIP)
  • No payments will be made during a government shutdown. Members will be paid retroactively once the government reopens.

It goes on to talk about Navy Personnel Command, Education impact, Training support centers, Great lakes and learning sites, advancements, an additional information. This article can be found at What We Know Now About The Government Shutdown

****This has changed since I last wrote this post. I will update it as soon as I can. :) I know that specialized pay will still be received now

MIA

I want to apologize for being MIA. I'm back to Monday - Friday until about 3. Starting time varies between, right now, 6:15 - 7:30. Of course, I still have my dogs at home so they need my attention when I do get home.  Then I have so much to do before mac comes home. I'd list it but I'm sure he is reading.

Yesterday I went to dinner at my brother in laws house. That was really nice actually. He got me a small card and it wished me happy birthday. I met his girlfriend who is really sweet as well. Friday we may be off to howl-o-screem (I'm not too sure about that plan just yet, we shall see how it goes).

Well, my pathology results came in, no suprise it was appendicitis. Thankfully it wasn't anything crazy. Well it's nap time here with the kids, so I should probably try and rest.


 I will be back writing again soon.  :)

Birthday? What Birthday?

Today, felt like another day to me. It just didn't feel right. Everyone is saying happy birthday and stuff but I'm sitting here thinking to myself, this isn't a birthday it's just another day. Without Mac here I don't really care for anything. I just want to keep going. This weekend with my best friend, Ashley was awesome. It was the first time in a long time I have felt great! But as for my birthday, I wish it wasn't such a big deal with my family.


Let me try and rephrase that. I love my family and I love how they want to celebrate. But as the night comes to an end it's getting hard to not miss him. I have opened his presents to me as in the earlier blog. When I got home and unpacked I just lost it. I miss him. I can not wait until he is home! It's been 195 days we have been separated by seas!

bittersweet

Yesterday, (Saturday September 21st) Mac gave me the ok to open my presents today. I did and boy, did it hit my emotions.

"You and Me" - Everyday, building on our love.
"Together"- for those who have found their true partners in love and life.
"Anniversary" - love ever endures.
"Promise" - Hold dear the promise of love.

Once I opened it and read what each one meant, he called. It was international calling, of course, but I'm so thankful he called. As soon as he started talking, asking how was I, I began to cry. It had been so long since I heard his voice. It was great happiness to hear his voice. The gifts were extremely thoughtful and full of emotions. But I love them to death. It means a lot to me!  I know he wishes he could be here. Since he wasn't here I spent the weekend with my best friend Ashley! I love her to death. We went in saw insidious 2, shopping a bit, and dinner. We have had great laughs it is great to see her again. Tomorrow I will begin to pack and head home! It's been a very nice weekend! & I wouldn't change it for the world. <3

It's Thursday.

Just a small post today. With a cute little picture!

Laugher is the best medicine for anything. So when your feeling down try to find something that will make you laugh :). 

Attitude is Everything

Our attitude towards life determines life's attitude towards us

It's true. Our attitude towards life really does determine life's attitude towards us! When you wake up in the morning, you have an attitude towards how your day may be. Well, if you wake up feeling horrible but you look at it in a positive way life will seem a bit happier. Things aren't easy but doesn't mean to ruin life by moping. Make the best of what you have.

Prime example, I have multiple health issues some that have absolutely no answers of how to make it better. Some that really are just dragging with failed attempts to reverse it. I could be horrible, I could mope around and just hate everything. That would be my attitude towards life. However, I can't tell you life's attitude towards me with that view, because I don't have the view. I look past the pain and frustration I may have. I put a smile on my face no matter what I am going through and keep going. Life's attitude towards me has changed from when I was a kid and hated everything. It's much more simple and enjoyable this way. 

Another example, deployments. If your significant other recently deployed or is soon to deploy don't pull yourself down. Pull yourself up! If all you are doing is talking about the negative about deployment then that is all you will get. Life will become depressing. Pull yourself up or ask someone to help pull you up. It makes life more enjoyable and helps the time while you wait for your loved one to return. 

Optimistism can take you a long way. Don't be that one bad apple that can bring a crowd down. Be that one person people can enjoy being around.

One another note: 

A very powerful video I would love for you to watch! The power of giving and caring!

This Three Minute Commercial Puts Full Length Hollywood Films To Shame

Another Night

It's another night here. Classes are done so my nights aren't as occupied anymore. I'm really missing Mac tonight. Just the things he would do being here. As you are aware, I am recovering for an emergency Appendectomy.

Well, walking the dogs early one jerked me the wrong way and it really has hurt since. He would walk them for me. But that isn't all that I miss. I am tired of the empty side of the bed he would sleep on. The way he comes home smelling like the ship, even though I really don't like that smell. They way he would just pulling me close on the rough days I'm having or even in general. I miss the littlest of things.

This deployment I have avoided the Tv. I wasn't sure why at first, but I have finally found out why. Most shows have something around romance, love, or even some way of reminding me what he would do. So instead feeling down about it I have just avoided it.

I can keep telling myself I'm almost there. It doesn't seem to work like it did in the beginning. So now, I will continue to do whatever I can to stay busy. I have to clean, get oil changes, should shop for clothes (I don't know). Clothes mean nothing to me right now.


191 days down.

A Rollercoaster Ride

* ^belings should be belongs

Healing

Well, today is day number Three of healing.

I'm still little bloated and what not. It still kind of hurts to move but I'm up a lot more than I have been the past few days. I went back to the doctors yesterday because I haven't fully recovered. He gave me this nasty medicine Magnesium Citrate, it's suppose to help my stomach. I couldn't even make it through half the bottle without getting sick :/. It taste unbearable. My stomach is extended, I can't even get pants on :/. I've tried. The staff during the surgery was amazing. The surgeon is nice! He talks so softly and make sure he fully listens to you. :)

Now I cross my fingers & hope that I heal very soon! :) Hopefully I will be moving again before next weekend! My birthday is coming and I really want to visit my best friend!!!!!

The drink!

my stomach, I don't know if you can tell, but it is extended.
It is being stretched and I can feel it, kind of painful.
If it doesn't feel right by tomorrow, I think my mom is taking me
back in. We shall see.

It Never Ends.

For once, I wish my health wasn't an issue.

My health has seemed to being going downhill. My previous post talks about going to the hospital for chest pains. Well this morning around 6, I finally break down and go for a whole different matter. Last night around 10pm I started getting pains to the point walking hurt to bad, so I decided to sleep. Well, sleeping last night was nearly impossible from the pain and the nausea combined. So I broke down and went in around 6am this morning. Upon getting there, I knew I looked like crap, basketball shorts, T-shirt & mac's navy hoodie (my hair I left up in a ponytail from the night before, a MESS). Well, a nice man let me go in front of him, I guess I looked as if I was in that much pain, which I was. I peed in a cup for urine sample, poked with a needle for the third time since Saturday (they didn't even use the blood today). The doctor checked my ovaries not cat scan or xray. He said it's either ovarian cysts or my appendix and to come back in 18-24 hours if the pain doesn't get better or gets worse.

Well, I didn't even make it the 18 hours. About 3pm with Vicodin in my system I was in so much pain I was crying. So I got back in the car and drove to the hospital on base. They did a ct scan with dye. & found something with my appendix. My mom made it up there before I had a ct scan! My uncle dropped her off. I was admitted for an appendectomy. The general surgeon was very nice. 

Well, my mom took my car home after the procedure. Today she tells me that I was hitting the nurse when I was waking up. My mom's post below! 

I was discharged today around 5pm and now resting a bit with the help of family. Specially taking care of my dogs. 

I will keep posting periodically. 

Stress, Stress, Stress...

....Where is my Break?

Everyone has stress, it's natural. There is good and bad stress. We just have to learn to balance them. Well, sometimes that is harder said than down. So now is time to find an outlet to let go of all this stress and what not. I tried a hot bath that didn't work. I'm beyond exhausted today, so outdoors is out of the question. What's next? Any suggestions.

Health Matters Updates

Well, last week sometime, I received a phone call. Of course, I answer it half asleep. It is a nurse from 'Internal Medicine'. It wasn't good news for me. She had told me that even though my referral was approved that the doctor there had kicked it back because I didn't meet HIS criteria of internal medicine. But he gave recommendations to my doctors, a bunch of crap. He really doesn't know much about me. He has no idea I have struggled with my bones, breaking over 10 bones before I was 18. He doesn't know what's going on with my eye. He DEFIANTLY doesn't know about my mitral valve prolapse, because I forgot to mention it. There is so much more going on and if INTERNAL Medicine isn't looking who will?

Still seeing these lovely things called floaters

Well this weekend wasn't a good one for me. Saturday afternoon babysitting, the little girl was down for a nap. I'm just sitting on the couch and the my heart feels like it just stops. After it started again, it was a little painful but it simmered down a bit. So, I called the doctor on call. She asked a lot of questions most were no. Except starting a new medication. I had just started a medicine abut a week ago. Never had this heart feeling until now. Anyways she told me to try and wait it out specially because I didn't have any chest pain. A few hours later, boom. Chest pain begins. I patiently waited until the little girls mom got home. Thankfully April came with me to the hospital. I had an EKG, Urine sample, blood work, X-ray and they all came back clean. They gave me so pain meds while I waited. Well, upon discharge the er doc didn't say much except that he wrote a referral to Cardiology. And so begins the waiting game.........

once again.......

Acceptance & Change

Each and every day, there is something somewhere you don't want to happen but we have to accept them. There are things we learn even if unwilling to learn them even if you don't want to accept them. And people we don't want to let go but we must anyways.

This is like being in a military relationship especially with those spouses that husbands are off the coast dealing with a mess.  There are things we wish wouldn't happen. We have had to accept them and learn about what is going on over there. We don't want to let go, but we must. However, in the end please remember it isn't permanent. It's only a "see you later" or "see you soon". Spouses of these ships dealing with this; remember that you are not alone. You are a lot stronger than you seem. There are a lot of people that are willing to be there for you, but you have to be willing to accept their hand.

Another Note:

I'd like to remind people that in order to love someone else, you must first love yourself. That doesn't mean that you can't lift someone up when they are down. Or even open and hold a door for someone behind you. A lot of people, today, are in their own little world. There is a lot of greed and selfishness. Where is love? Where is the time where we could rely on our neighbors to care? How many of you know your neighbors name? Can you trust them?

I enjoy watching people when I am in public. It gives me something to analyze. Almost every person I have seen never looks at their environment. There is quit a few people that never move out the way for a older couple, or doesn't even hold the door. Where is the respect? I mean we are only a little strong alone and overwhelm yourself faster. But if we came together like we use to, not separate by civilian or military than it would be a lot easier. Everyone knows who to go to when they want advice a military couple may go to a civilian couple for some advice, it just depends on what you are looking for; EVERYONE DOES IT. So don't be basis, it's ugly. Just because you ask for help or lean on each other doesn't mean you aren't independent. It just shows you are stronger and have the courage to reach out.

My challenge to you, is to help "pay it forward", just like the movie. Please, help someone in need and have them help someone in need, but don't limit it to one. Just because someone was rude/childish etc towards you doesn't mean you should spread that feeling. Be positive and share a open heart.**Almost everyone I know, knows that if they call no matter the time, I will be the first to say I'm coming. Or they know they can always talk to me when they need to. I am always here for any readers that need to talk.


Next blog post: what would you like the topic to be?

Take Time this Labor Day

Happy Labor Day everyone! I hope you have enjoyed your weekend.

“Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by. But that feelings a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day and someone, or something, will find you and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes. Someone to help us hear the music in our world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you.”

Please remember with everything that is going on there are men and women that fight for our right to freedom. There are families that make a sacrifices and worry deep on the inside about what may happen. We don't stop and take the time to see how they truly are on the inside. Sometimes we just need a hug but our pride doesn't want to ask for it. So the next time you come across a friend that has a loved one away, don't over look them. They may just need someone to talk to. We say we are ok but that's probably because it may be too painful to just talk about it. Everyone needs that one person who will put there hand out when we have fallen, be that person! 

Families with loved ones out please remember it is ok to turn to someone to talk. There are people who truly care how you are doing. Even if you need a hug, I'm sure there are people who will be willing to give you a hug specially when it's in need. There isn't anything wrong with. Even if you just want to vent, I know how that feels and I offer an open ear every time.

I am always here for anyone who just needs to talk, vent, or even just needs a friend, please don't hesitate to message me using the contact form on the side.

We are strong alone, but we are stronger together.  That goes to everyone!

Please Let's be Heard.

Dear readers,

I don't usually do this, but I need your help. I was watching a video post today usually I avoid them, but it was Glenn Beck. He is one person I truly respect because he tells us issues how they are and doesn't sugar coat them. So now I'm asking you to watch this 2 minute video and just listen to what he has to say. It really will hit home. This video is kind of terrifying. Please just watch it and see what you think of it for yourself.

I hope all service members over there come home safe!

An Unheard Voice

Tonight, I am hoping to raise awareness of a program many haven't heard of. I plan on volunteering or interning for the program :)I ask that tonight you just take the time to read what I have to post. I have posted a few videos because I couldn't say it better than the video itself. (Most videos are from 2011).


There is a program called CASA. Casa is a Court Appointed Special Advocate for child. They are nonprofit. "Last year, more than 77,000 CASA and guardian ad litem (GAL) volunteers helped 234,000 abused and neglected children find safe, permanent homes. CASA volunteers are everyday citizens who have undergone screen and training with their local CASA/GAL program."CASA - about us



Please watch this video

 CASA helps the "powerless children" who are under the court's supervision. They make sure the children are safe and they are receiving all mandated services by the court. They become the person that the child can count on during their time with the legal system. CASA remains with their child until the child is safe, loving, and permanent home is reached.


I know that all of you readers are from all over. Here is the FAQs for Newport News. CASA can deal with children that are neglected or abused. Each case is handled different and taken care of on a personal level.

Please help me raise awareness for CASA. Children need our help. They need someone who can be a voice in a time of need. <3

A voice from a few of those that have had a CASA worker:

 

Horoscopes?

How many of you read your horoscope? Do you read them on a daily basis or every so often? Even maybe once in a blue moon?

I never really read mine, maybe occasionally. Tonight, I was looking my horoscope up. I found an interesting article that fits me to a T. You have no idea. At first it did seem kind of harsh but, I know it's most of it is true. Now I'm a Virgo, if any readers are a Virgo I don't mean to offend you.

Now a quick little overview about me. I love to help people with a passion. Now I don't know why I do it, I just love it. I will burn myself out just trying to help someone. According to this article I found it tells me why I do it. But it makes it sound like I don't know that I'm volunteering myself and that it's not a favor.

Born from a lack of confidence and, ironically, an acute self-awareness. Virgos are their own worst critics, and assume that there's so much wrong with them that they're un-likeable. However, they're also quite particular about things and obsessive about details, and so their self-criticism doesn't stop them from being critical of others. Taken all together, many Virgos feel that people will only like them if they do a lot for them and evoke some gratitude.

According to that article I think I'm unlikeable because I was born form a lack of confidence and acute self-awareness. I personally think that's a lie. However, I will agree with this next part of the article:

Volunteering it is their choice, not a favour to the other person. By the time Virgo learns this lesson, it's too late, and it leaves the gentle Virgo with a great deal of resentment against the person who only gave them more criticism in return for all their sacrifice and hard work.

Volunteering is my choice and it's not usually a favor to the other person right. And usually by the time I have learned that, the way the person throws it in my face, I usually resent them. Although, I may resent them I don't feel it is because the criticism. I think it is more over the way it was done.

I can volunteer my time to help anyone that needs it. If they can't give a respectful criticism then they probably aren't worth it. There is a big difference between criticism and a STAB in the back. I know that difference so I do disagree with it there.

Quoted text

More about Virgos.

What's your Horoscope sign?

It takes two

"Long distance is hard. You have to trust that as you each change on your own, your relationship will also change along with you. It takes hope, good humor, and idealism. It takes a massive dose of courage to protect the relationship at all odds. It is hard, but worth it. You'll both be stronger as a result." 

— Craig M. Mullaney

Any relationship a person may have will always take two. A romantic relationship takes a little bit more. Communication is key. We can't get mad over the little things. Sometimes communication may just be a tiny email saying, "been really busy. I love you". Sometimes we are lucky to get an email at all. But we can't let that get us down. It's rough but we know that as soon as we can we will talk. Trust, that is a major aspect of relationships. Without trust things will be hard. There is so much more that must go into just a typical relationship. 

Long distance relationships take a lot more. It's something many dread but suck it up and continue on anyways. We each change individually, which means our relationship will change as well. We have to learn to laugh at things that may piss us off. It takes Strength, Courage, and Sacrifice. Some never have to make a sacrifice of living away from their loved ones like others do. We have to go through the ins and outs for our relationship. It feels we have to go through so much more apart. But that isn't true, it's the around the same amount. We just notice it more because we are forced to make decisions alone. In the end though, as a couple, are stronger than you began.

Anyone have anything to say about long distance relationships, I may not have covered?

Nature clears the Soul.

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be."

When I was younger I walked hours at a time. In high school, I would walk from the time I got home to the time it was to go in and get ready for bed. It made things great. It allowed me to clear my head. I never knew why I did it. But now it makes sense  when I felt uneasy I would go outside, and just walk. It gave me a new appreciation for nature. It helped me through whatever feeling I had.

Now it is time that I get back on that track and walk until this feeling, I can't shake, is shaken. I wish it was not raining right now. I would be walking the beach sitting in the sand. Listening to the waves and smelling the salt in the air. It makes everything disappear. It makes me feel like nothing can bother me. I'm free. 

With that being said.....


The beach will be my next stop soon. <3 

it's almost done.

Hello Week 8, after tonight of course. My bachelors is just about done!! I can't wait for it to be over. That means I'm even more closer to seeing mac again! As of today, it has been 164 days since our "see you laters". We are creeping up on 3 months since we last saw each other's face. Pushing through. Every person has one thing worth fighting for. Mine is him. All these days I have fought in order to overcome this deployment with be worth every moment once I can hug him again.


Today, I had a friend message me and ask:
What would you do if someone set up an surprise early homecoming for Mac and I?

Honestly, the only answer I could give is cry, I would be amazed and extremely happy he is home. Maybe a little mad because the house is a wreck lol.

What would you do if a friend set an early homecoming surprise for you?

Asking for Help

To whomever is following me,

I want you to know it's ok to ask for help. To let your emotions go every now and then. Asking for help or showing your emotions does not mean you are weak. Sometimes we all need a shoulder to lean on, someone to help us when we feel like we can not get back up. This life we live is not always easy through deployments, underways, duty, PCSing, etc. But who says we have to do it alone.

Remember this, being you is the best way to go. Not one person can be 100 percent strong.
Or even 100 percent weak, everyone has a time where they just have to break or strengthen. 

I write this blog for myself and the fact it makes me feel better. Today though, this post I'd like to see if it helps or supports you in any way? I am asking if you have anything in particular you would like to know? What you like about this? Any comments in general?

Eventful Weekend :)

This weekend has been mostly the same as the others except it feels more eventful, more cheerful. I'll start with Friday. I went to work, came home napped, dropped mac's car off at the dealership, got a ride back home grabbed my car and went to walmart. Then came home again put the items away, took the dogs to get their nails trimmed. After that I went home, once again, completely my discussion thread, receive a phone call mac's car was ready and got a ride back to it. Then I relaxed a bit. Later that night I got another tattoo :). When it was done went to my mom's.

Saturday! Well, I tried working on my homework. I don't think that went very well. I went with my mom on some of her errand runs. Then talked her into going to The Banque with me for a birthday party. It was very nice! She enjoyed herself as did I :).

Today well, two papers have gotten turned in. Now just relaxing a bit before I decide my next move. I know tomorrow I pick up my father-in-law's birthday present, yeah it's a little late. But it was specially made so I had to wait.

My MOM & I <3. She is my best friend, role model, and
extremely supportive.

Tattoo :)

Oh, friday!

It's Friday! & boy, has it been a busy one for me. I got up this morning and went to work. Then came home took a minor nap. I felt a bit better after that. Dropped Mac's car off at the dealership. The came home and took the pups to get their nails cut and a bump on Roxy's head looked at (I love their vet, she did it real quick no charge). She isn't worried about that! Just have to keep an eye on it make sure it doesn't get bigger, she thinks it may just be scare tissue. Thank god. Well, I also made it to walmart :). Even did one of my discussion threads before the dealership called. Productive day, I think so. 

I'm so thankful for Mac's warranty. It replaced the tire for free thanks to road hazard that relieved so much of my stress :). That would have been near 300 dollars. Now, I will clean a bit and shower. I have an appointment later to attend.

Remember, everything happens for a reason. We aren't given anything we can't handle. It may seem like we can't handle it at first, but we are always stronger than we believe! 

IT'S FRIDAY! ENJOY!! 

I will probably be off this weekend, I will be at my mom's for the weekend. 

A feeling to shake.

"The soul, fortunately, has an interpreter - often an unconscious but still a faithful interpreter - in the eye." 

Dream Interpretation

Dream Interpretation: 

This comes from my previous post.

 Crazy dreams equals little sleep!

Basically, I am stressed, my subconscious is trying to tell me that I need to change my outlook. With everything that is going on I'm tearing my body up. It's my minds way of telling me to ask for help. Between everything that is going on, my body isn't really relaxing. But it has to be normal for deployments. I haven't managed to get one good night of sleep since he left. Whatever I was doing has been working until now.

Stress Dream: Losing Your Car or Your Car Gets Stolen

This stress dream is connected to uncertainty or loss of motivation. Your car represents your “drive” and motivation to continue to move forward in some area. If this is your stress dream, you need to ask yourself what in your life you no longer have the desire to continue with. Is it your job? A relationship? A project? If that doesn't fit, ask yourself what is causing you to feel uncertain and directionless. Maybe you can’t find a job and no longer know what to do. Or perhaps your kids are unruly and you don’t know which path to take in order to deal with them.

The Lesson: Whether it’s lack of motivation or uncertainty, your dreaming mind wants you to find a new path, and get your drive or mojo back, which is why it keeps taking your car away from you in your dream.  Time to try something different because the direction you are headed in now isn't going to get you anywhere. 

Stress Dream: House Fire

This is the classic stressed-to-the-max dream! This dream is not connected to any one particular stress, but rather is a warning sign that you are on complete overload. You see, your house, to the dreaming mind, is you! It is your state of mind, your personality construct. If your house, or any house for that matter, is on fire in a dream, it means you have reached a frantic state of mind and are in urgent need of a cool down.

The Lesson: You are on the verge of being completely and utterly “burnt out.” Your dreaming mind can’t scream any louder than this dream, so now more than ever you must get some me-time. Have the kids stay the night with grandma, turn your phone off – whatever it takes, just find a way to unwind before you become a burnt-out hollow shell of yourself. 

Relationship: To dream about a relationship with a stranger represents the different sides of your personality. You may be trying to connect to unknown aspects of your subconscious.

Rescue: To dream that you are being rescued or rescue others represents an aspect of yourself that has been neglected or ignored. You are trying to find a way to express this neglected part of yourself. Alternatively, it symbolizes a subconscious cry for help. Perhaps you are too proud in your waking life to ask for assistance.

In particular, to dream that you rescue someone from drowning indicates that you have successfully acknowledged certain emotions and characteristics that are symbolized by the drowning victim.

Crazy dreams equals little sleep

Dreams &amp; Interpretation

The downside of deployment - crazy dreams.

Sleeping hasn't been very nice to me lately. I barely sleep. If I do it's horrible, toss and turning and crazy beyond belief dreams. I understand why I'm not sleeping very well. I have not had one good night sleep since Mac left! I can't wait for him to get back :). I'm getting anxious :) excited! :) 

Lately, my dreams are out of control. I don't see how they are relating to my life. This is kind of embarrassing to write about so bear with me. Here's an example, I'm really disturbed by it as well.

I was in a neighborhood helping a woman in an abusive relationship get out. I never saw her face; I know I don't know her. When we were leaving I saw a house across the way on fire but that was the only house around; besides the woman's of course. Well, while we were in the grass getting ready to leave, I don't know where the car is at; I thought it was starting to rain. Boy was I wrong. I look up and this guy, the boyfriend/husband I don't know is peeing out the window. He was aiming for me. No matter where I ran he managed to get pee on me. No matter how far away I went he still managed to pee on me. I don't know why. I'm not even sure anyone could be that long. Well, I woke up. And the dream ended.

Fell back to sleep to had another weird dream. I didn't understand. I have no idea how this can relate to my life. I didn't want any shows on tv were someone got peed on or a house on fire. I'm hoping they stop soon.

5 MONTHS!

It's official! It has been five months since mac and I have been separated by seas. It's been tough. I have had my ups and downs. I have had times where I couldn't even face the outside, let alone talk to many people. There has been times he has called and it took every once of strength I had not to cry. They were not bad tears. Just relief tears, I got to hear his voice. Or the fact we have came this far. It's hard to please. When I say five months it doesn't seem like a long time. It's been 153 days! I couldn't be more proud of the sacrifices we have made as a couple. I am extremely proud of him after all the bumps we have hit and things that have happened, he still stays strong.

I have a new respect for the military families. As I have probably already wrote, I grew up in a mainly military area. We have Air Force, Marines, and Navy all in one little area. My family wasn't military, matter of fact in school we always had these cards we had to fill out and return. There were two different colors, one for military and one for nonmilitary. All the schools I went to I really didn't see many nonmilitary. Back to my point, I watched families deal with loved ones coming and going. I dealt with friends moving away, some of which I was very close with. But never did I truly understand how they felt.

When I was just Mac's girlfriend, it was rough. There are few things I couldn't do then that I can now. I could not go visit him for duty days or bring him anything that he may have forgotten. Heck, I couldn't even get on base. There were times I didn't even know what was going on. I remember one incident where there was a nor'easter and his ship pulled out for it. They were due back like a week or so after the storm left. Well that changed and I had no idea. He couldn't even tell me. He came home about 2 or 3 weeks later. But I had found out because the news mentioned where they were. They were giving relief to another state.

Now as a wife, I get a bit more information. But there was so much I didn't know that spouse/girlfriends/fiances may have to handle alone. We have to be stronger than most people to survive this. I understand why it's hard to have "civilian friends". It always use to bother me when someone would say I can't be around my "civilian friends". But now I understand, it is hard for them to relate. There was so much I took for granted. Now I am extremely happy to receive an email. That means more than anything. Even if it is just a hey, I love you. That is enough to keep me going.

I wouldn't change anything we have been through to this day. Each and every step has lead us on the path we are today :)

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." <3

Now that there is double digits to go I have so much to do before than!! Better get moving :)

When Odds Go Against You

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."

This week has been stressful. It was the first week I have been back to class since the paper was due. That  was about a few days over a week. I just learned my professor never graded my paper because I turned it into the wrong spot. Which means, guess what? Yep, I will be penalized for it. I even turned in screen shots with my paper to prove I turned it in. I was not sure where to turn it in to because it had two spots where I could turn my paper in at.

This shows where there is two spots to turn the assignment

This shows where I turned it in & the date I turned it in.

So now this was due the 31st of July. Since my professor says that I turned it in "late" according to policy I will be deducted 50% of my grade on that paper. :/ 

" For the grading of assignments without documentation, the course instructor will use the 

following guidelines: 

a) Assignments submitted within 7 days after the submission deadline will receive up to a 20% deduction; 

b) Assignments submitted between 8 and 14 days after the submission date will receive up to a 50% deduction; 

c) Assignments submitted beyond 14 days from the due date are not acceptable and no credit will be provided for assignment completion;

d) Discussion boards by definition are not assignments that are easily made up and thus, late participation is not accepted."

This is really becoming hard for me. Which brings me to the quote. Things are hard, I'm in one of the worse spots I have been in, in a while. I'm holding on, hoping it turns around soon. It's taking every once of strength not to say forget it, and quit. Here goes nothing, fighting until I can't anymore............
Even when things get rough please don't give up! Everyone has something to fight for, a reason to keep going. Find your light and fight for all those reasons. I stay strong and push forward fighting until I can't anymore so I can feel proud of myself. Also, in a way for Mac. He is the reason I get up everyday.

What pushes you to get up? & through the day?

Darkest Skies have the Brightest Stars

They say there is always light at the end of a dark tunnel. I'm a positive person, but his just keeps getting harder right now. I'm telling myself it is up to me to the best out of it, one day closer, we are finally in double digits somewhere, or something. But right now it's not working so well.

This past weekend has been the hardest weekend since mac left. I'm not saying things aren't hard any other day. but lately they are just adding up. He called for a little today, I was excited to hear his voice. It made things better. But towards the end of the conversation talking about everything that has happened since we last talked. It was hard. It took every once of strength not to cry. I can't wait for this to be over.

I know we are almost there, but why does it seem harder now. Maybe I'm just being a little emotional. As soon as I can clear my mind and see past the emotions right now, I will be able to see the brightness again. I just have to let it out right now. The emotional toll this week has brought to me alone, I never really mourned or processed what the doctor said. So telling mac on the phone, really made it real. I could tell everyone but telling him(over the phone) makes it feel more real.

So now, I will rest a bit, maybe take the dogs for a walk. Or even go for a swim.  Clear my head :)
I will be better in a few hours!

Thanks for reading,
<3 Amanda

Another Day, Another.....

Well, it's Wednesday August 7th. It is the first time I have been home since Princess has past. It just doesn't feel right. She is really gone. Zoey and Roxy, are back to normal. But something is missing. Even got a sorry for you lost card from my vet :(.

On top of that I have no motivation. I can't even focus on school. In this past week, I have been put on academic probation for the midterm grades. Which isn't my fault! I turned in my paper for my online class got a 50 on it (didn't met criteria bull crap). Obviously a lot of people did it wrong he made an announcement about it. Then in another class, I turned in an assignment to "turn it in" crap, and got a zero for not turning it in to the right spot i guess. I don't know! I'm just ugh. I will get back into the groove just have to deal with this first.

And of course, communication is down! on a plus side officially somewhere in the double digits. I can not wait! i hope it goes by faster than anything! <3


Trying to find the positives..........

Health update.

This is an update from my previous blog 45 year old in 21 year old body.

Well, I have had the visual field exam. It really didn't make to much since. One thing that I am stuck on is the statistics. Out of the statistic of responses from woman around my age, I still fall inside of it but I'm slowly approaching the "ALARMING" zone?

I had a statistic of somewhere about 4.58 once I reach 5.00 is when they are concerned.

But they doctor can't answer:

• Why is this happening?
• What is causing it?
• How can I prevent it?

I can't reverse it. So now I will try to remain positive and keep going on. There isn't anything he can do right now. No specialist will look at me because I'm not at the 5.00 or above. So here goes to another issue with so many unanswered questions. 

I just wish I would have one doctor put all these things together and see if there is an overall issue. Like all of these add up too one thing. but no one is catching on because all different doctors!