Wednesday, August 28, 2013

An Unheard Voice

Tonight, I am hoping to raise awareness of a program many haven't heard of. I plan on volunteering or interning for the program :)I ask that tonight you just take the time to read what I have to post. I have posted a few videos because I couldn't say it better than the video itself. (Most videos are from 2011).

There is a program called CASA. Casa is a Court Appointed Special Advocate for child. They are nonprofit. "Last year, more than 77,000 CASA and guardian ad litem (GAL) volunteers helped 234,000 abused and neglected children find safe, permanent homes. CASA volunteers are everyday citizens who have undergone screen and training with their local CASA/GAL program."CASA - about us

Please watch this video

 CASA helps the "powerless children" who are under the court's supervision. They make sure the children are safe and they are receiving all mandated services by the court. They become the person that the child can count on during their time with the legal system. CASA remains with their child until the child is safe, loving, and permanent home is reached.

I know that all of you readers are from all over. Here is the FAQs for Newport News. CASA can deal with children that are neglected or abused. Each case is handled different and taken care of on a personal level.

Please help me raise awareness for CASA. Children need our help. They need someone who can be a voice in a time of need. <3

A voice from a few of those that have had a CASA worker:


Monday, August 26, 2013


How many of you read your horoscope? Do you read them on a daily basis or every so often? Even maybe once in a blue moon?

I never really read mine, maybe occasionally. Tonight, I was looking my horoscope up. I found an interesting article that fits me to a T. You have no idea. At first it did seem kind of harsh but, I know it's most of it is true. Now I'm a Virgo, if any readers are a Virgo I don't mean to offend you.

Now a quick little overview about me. I love to help people with a passion. Now I don't know why I do it, I just love it. I will burn myself out just trying to help someone. According to this article I found it tells me why I do it. But it makes it sound like I don't know that I'm volunteering myself and that it's not a favor.

Born from a lack of confidence and, ironically, an acute self-awareness. Virgos are their own worst critics, and assume that there's so much wrong with them that they're un-likeable. However, they're also quite particular about things and obsessive about details, and so their self-criticism doesn't stop them from being critical of others. Taken all together, many Virgos feel that people will only like them if they do a lot for them and evoke some gratitude.
According to that article I think I'm unlikeable because I was born form a lack of confidence and acute self-awareness. I personally think that's a lie. However, I will agree with this next part of the article:
Volunteering it is their choice, not a favour to the other person. By the time Virgo learns this lesson, it's too late, and it leaves the gentle Virgo with a great deal of resentment against the person who only gave them more criticism in return for all their sacrifice and hard work.
Volunteering is my choice and it's not usually a favor to the other person right. And usually by the time I have learned that, the way the person throws it in my face, I usually resent them. Although, I may resent them I don't feel it is because the criticism. I think it is more over the way it was done.

I can volunteer my time to help anyone that needs it. If they can't give a respectful criticism then they probably aren't worth it. There is a big difference between criticism and a STAB in the back. I know that difference so I do disagree with it there.

Quoted text

More about Virgos.

What's your Horoscope sign?

Sunday, August 25, 2013

It takes two

"Long distance is hard. You have to trust that as you each change on your own, your relationship will also change along with you. It takes hope, good humor, and idealism. It takes a massive dose of courage to protect the relationship at all odds. It is hard, but worth it. You'll both be stronger as a result." 

— Craig M. Mullaney

Any relationship a person may have will always take two. A romantic relationship takes a little bit more. Communication is key. We can't get mad over the little things. Sometimes communication may just be a tiny email saying, "been really busy. I love you". Sometimes we are lucky to get an email at all. But we can't let that get us down. It's rough but we know that as soon as we can we will talk. Trust, that is a major aspect of relationships. Without trust things will be hard. There is so much more that must go into just a typical relationship. 

Long distance relationships take a lot more. It's something many dread but suck it up and continue on anyways. We each change individually, which means our relationship will change as well. We have to learn to laugh at things that may piss us off. It takes Strength, Courage, and Sacrifice. Some never have to make a sacrifice of living away from their loved ones like others do. We have to go through the ins and outs for our relationship. It feels we have to go through so much more apart. But that isn't true, it's the around the same amount. We just notice it more because we are forced to make decisions alone. In the end though, as a couple, are stronger than you began.

Anyone have anything to say about long distance relationships, I may not have covered?

Friday, August 23, 2013

Nature clears the Soul.

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be."

When I was younger I walked hours at a time. In high school, I would walk from the time I got home to the time it was to go in and get ready for bed. It made things great. It allowed me to clear my head. I never knew why I did it. But now it makes sense  when I felt uneasy I would go outside, and just walk. It gave me a new appreciation for nature. It helped me through whatever feeling I had.

Now it is time that I get back on that track and walk until this feeling, I can't shake, is shaken. I wish it was not raining right now. I would be walking the beach sitting in the sand. Listening to the waves and smelling the salt in the air. It makes everything disappear. It makes me feel like nothing can bother me. I'm free. 

With that being said.....

The beach will be my next stop soon. <3 

Thursday, August 22, 2013

it's almost done.

Hello Week 8, after tonight of course. My bachelors is just about done!! I can't wait for it to be over. That means I'm even more closer to seeing mac again! As of today, it has been 164 days since our "see you laters". We are creeping up on 3 months since we last saw each other's face. Pushing through. Every person has one thing worth fighting for. Mine is him. All these days I have fought in order to overcome this deployment with be worth every moment once I can hug him again.

Today, I had a friend message me and ask:
What would you do if someone set up an surprise early homecoming for Mac and I?

Honestly, the only answer I could give is cry, I would be amazed and extremely happy he is home. Maybe a little mad because the house is a wreck lol.

What would you do if a friend set an early homecoming surprise for you?

Monday, August 19, 2013

Asking for Help

To whomever is following me,

I want you to know it's ok to ask for help. To let your emotions go every now and then. Asking for help or showing your emotions does not mean you are weak. Sometimes we all need a shoulder to lean on, someone to help us when we feel like we can not get back up. This life we live is not always easy through deployments, underways, duty, PCSing, etc. But who says we have to do it alone.

Remember this, being you is the best way to go. Not one person can be 100 percent strong.
Or even 100 percent weak, everyone has a time where they just have to break or strengthen. 

I write this blog for myself and the fact it makes me feel better. Today though, this post I'd like to see if it helps or supports you in any way? I am asking if you have anything in particular you would like to know? What you like about this? Any comments in general?

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Eventful Weekend :)

This weekend has been mostly the same as the others except it feels more eventful, more cheerful. I'll start with Friday. I went to work, came home napped, dropped mac's car off at the dealership, got a ride back home grabbed my car and went to walmart. Then came home again put the items away, took the dogs to get their nails trimmed. After that I went home, once again, completely my discussion thread, receive a phone call mac's car was ready and got a ride back to it. Then I relaxed a bit. Later that night I got another tattoo :). When it was done went to my mom's.

Saturday! Well, I tried working on my homework. I don't think that went very well. I went with my mom on some of her errand runs. Then talked her into going to The Banque with me for a birthday party. It was very nice! She enjoyed herself as did I :).

Today well, two papers have gotten turned in. Now just relaxing a bit before I decide my next move. I know tomorrow I pick up my father-in-law's birthday present, yeah it's a little late. But it was specially made so I had to wait.

My MOM & I <3. She is my best friend, role model, and
extremely supportive.

Tattoo :)

Friday, August 16, 2013

Oh, friday!

It's Friday! & boy, has it been a busy one for me. I got up this morning and went to work. Then came home took a minor nap. I felt a bit better after that. Dropped Mac's car off at the dealership. The came home and took the pups to get their nails cut and a bump on Roxy's head looked at (I love their vet, she did it real quick no charge). She isn't worried about that! Just have to keep an eye on it make sure it doesn't get bigger, she thinks it may just be scare tissue. Thank god. Well, I also made it to walmart :). Even did one of my discussion threads before the dealership called. Productive day, I think so. 

I'm so thankful for Mac's warranty. It replaced the tire for free thanks to road hazard that relieved so much of my stress :). That would have been near 300 dollars. Now, I will clean a bit and shower. I have an appointment later to attend.

Remember, everything happens for a reason. We aren't given anything we can't handle. It may seem like we can't handle it at first, but we are always stronger than we believe! 

I will probably be off this weekend, I will be at my mom's for the weekend. 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

A feeling to shake.

"The soul, fortunately, has an interpreter - often an unconscious but still a faithful interpreter - in the eye." 

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Dream Interpretation

Dream Interpretation: 

This comes from my previous post.
Basically, I am stressed, my subconscious is trying to tell me that I need to change my outlook. With everything that is going on I'm tearing my body up. It's my minds way of telling me to ask for help. Between everything that is going on, my body isn't really relaxing. But it has to be normal for deployments. I haven't managed to get one good night of sleep since he left. Whatever I was doing has been working until now.

Stress Dream: Losing Your Car or Your Car Gets Stolen
This stress dream is connected to uncertainty or loss of motivation. Your car represents your “drive” and motivation to continue to move forward in some area. If this is your stress dream, you need to ask yourself what in your life you no longer have the desire to continue with. Is it your job? A relationship? A project? If that doesn't fit, ask yourself what is causing you to feel uncertain and directionless. Maybe you can’t find a job and no longer know what to do. Or perhaps your kids are unruly and you don’t know which path to take in order to deal with them.

The Lesson: Whether it’s lack of motivation or uncertainty, your dreaming mind wants you to find a new path, and get your drive or mojo back, which is why it keeps taking your car away from you in your dream.  Time to try something different because the direction you are headed in now isn't going to get you anywhere. 

Stress Dream: House Fire
This is the classic stressed-to-the-max dream! This dream is not connected to any one particular stress, but rather is a warning sign that you are on complete overload. You see, your house, to the dreaming mind, is you! It is your state of mind, your personality construct. If your house, or any house for that matter, is on fire in a dream, it means you have reached a frantic state of mind and are in urgent need of a cool down.

The Lesson: You are on the verge of being completely and utterly “burnt out.” Your dreaming mind can’t scream any louder than this dream, so now more than ever you must get some me-time. Have the kids stay the night with grandma, turn your phone off – whatever it takes, just find a way to unwind before you become a burnt-out hollow shell of yourself. 

RelationshipTo dream about a relationship with a stranger represents the different sides of your personality. You may be trying to connect to unknown aspects of your subconscious.

Rescue: To dream that you are being rescued or rescue others represents an aspect of yourself that has been neglected or ignored. You are trying to find a way to express this neglected part of yourself. Alternatively, it symbolizes a subconscious cry for help. Perhaps you are too proud in your waking life to ask for assistance.
In particular, to dream that you rescue someone from drowning indicates that you have successfully acknowledged certain emotions and characteristics that are symbolized by the drowning victim.

Crazy dreams equals little sleep

Dreams &amp; Interpretation
The downside of deployment - crazy dreams.

Sleeping hasn't been very nice to me lately. I barely sleep. If I do it's horrible, toss and turning and crazy beyond belief dreams. I understand why I'm not sleeping very well. I have not had one good night sleep since Mac left! I can't wait for him to get back :). I'm getting anxious :) excited! :) 
Lately, my dreams are out of control. I don't see how they are relating to my life. This is kind of embarrassing to write about so bear with me. Here's an example, I'm really disturbed by it as well.

I was in a neighborhood helping a woman in an abusive relationship get out. I never saw her face; I know I don't know her. When we were leaving I saw a house across the way on fire but that was the only house around; besides the woman's of course. Well, while we were in the grass getting ready to leave, I don't know where the car is at; I thought it was starting to rain. Boy was I wrong. I look up and this guy, the boyfriend/husband I don't know is peeing out the window. He was aiming for me. No matter where I ran he managed to get pee on me. No matter how far away I went he still managed to pee on me. I don't know why. I'm not even sure anyone could be that long. Well, I woke up. And the dream ended.
Fell back to sleep to had another weird dream. I didn't understand. I have no idea how this can relate to my life. I didn't want any shows on tv were someone got peed on or a house on fire. I'm hoping they stop soon.

Sunday, August 11, 2013


It's official! It has been five months since mac and I have been separated by seas. It's been tough. I have had my ups and downs. I have had times where I couldn't even face the outside, let alone talk to many people. There has been times he has called and it took every once of strength I had not to cry. They were not bad tears. Just relief tears, I got to hear his voice. Or the fact we have came this far. It's hard to please. When I say five months it doesn't seem like a long time. It's been 153 days! I couldn't be more proud of the sacrifices we have made as a couple. I am extremely proud of him after all the bumps we have hit and things that have happened, he still stays strong.

I have a new respect for the military families. As I have probably already wrote, I grew up in a mainly military area. We have Air Force, Marines, and Navy all in one little area. My family wasn't military, matter of fact in school we always had these cards we had to fill out and return. There were two different colors, one for military and one for nonmilitary. All the schools I went to I really didn't see many nonmilitary. Back to my point, I watched families deal with loved ones coming and going. I dealt with friends moving away, some of which I was very close with. But never did I truly understand how they felt.

When I was just Mac's girlfriend, it was rough. There are few things I couldn't do then that I can now. I could not go visit him for duty days or bring him anything that he may have forgotten. Heck, I couldn't even get on base. There were times I didn't even know what was going on. I remember one incident where there was a nor'easter and his ship pulled out for it. They were due back like a week or so after the storm left. Well that changed and I had no idea. He couldn't even tell me. He came home about 2 or 3 weeks later. But I had found out because the news mentioned where they were. They were giving relief to another state.

Now as a wife, I get a bit more information. But there was so much I didn't know that spouse/girlfriends/fiances may have to handle alone. We have to be stronger than most people to survive this. I understand why it's hard to have "civilian friends". It always use to bother me when someone would say I can't be around my "civilian friends". But now I understand, it is hard for them to relate. There was so much I took for granted. Now I am extremely happy to receive an email. That means more than anything. Even if it is just a hey, I love you. That is enough to keep me going.

I wouldn't change anything we have been through to this day. Each and every step has lead us on the path we are today :)

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." <3
Now that there is double digits to go I have so much to do before than!! Better get moving :)

Friday, August 9, 2013

When Odds Go Against You

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."

This week has been stressful. It was the first week I have been back to class since the paper was due. That  was about a few days over a week. I just learned my professor never graded my paper because I turned it into the wrong spot. Which means, guess what? Yep, I will be penalized for it. I even turned in screen shots with my paper to prove I turned it in. I was not sure where to turn it in to because it had two spots where I could turn my paper in at.

This shows where there is two spots to turn the assignment

This shows where I turned it in & the date I turned it in.

So now this was due the 31st of July. Since my professor says that I turned it in "late" according to policy I will be deducted 50% of my grade on that paper. :/ 

" For the grading of assignments without documentation, the course instructor will use the 
following guidelines: 
a) Assignments submitted within 7 days after the submission deadline will receive up to a 20% deduction; 
b) Assignments submitted between 8 and 14 days after the submission date will receive up to a 50% deduction; 
c) Assignments submitted beyond 14 days from the due date are not acceptable and no credit will be provided for assignment completion;
d) Discussion boards by definition are not assignments that are easily made up and thus, late participation is not accepted."

This is really becoming hard for me. Which brings me to the quote. Things are hard, I'm in one of the worse spots I have been in, in a while. I'm holding on, hoping it turns around soon. It's taking every once of strength not to say forget it, and quit. Here goes nothing, fighting until I can't anymore............
Even when things get rough please don't give up! Everyone has something to fight for, a reason to keep going. Find your light and fight for all those reasons. I stay strong and push forward fighting until I can't anymore so I can feel proud of myself. Also, in a way for Mac. He is the reason I get up everyday.

What pushes you to get up? & through the day?

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Darkest Skies have the Brightest Stars

They say there is always light at the end of a dark tunnel. I'm a positive person, but his just keeps getting harder right now. I'm telling myself it is up to me to the best out of it, one day closer, we are finally in double digits somewhere, or something. But right now it's not working so well.

This past weekend has been the hardest weekend since mac left. I'm not saying things aren't hard any other day. but lately they are just adding up. He called for a little today, I was excited to hear his voice. It made things better. But towards the end of the conversation talking about everything that has happened since we last talked. It was hard. It took every once of strength not to cry. I can't wait for this to be over.

I know we are almost there, but why does it seem harder now. Maybe I'm just being a little emotional. As soon as I can clear my mind and see past the emotions right now, I will be able to see the brightness again. I just have to let it out right now. The emotional toll this week has brought to me alone, I never really mourned or processed what the doctor said. So telling mac on the phone, really made it real. I could tell everyone but telling him(over the phone) makes it feel more real.

So now, I will rest a bit, maybe take the dogs for a walk. Or even go for a swim.  Clear my head :)
I will be better in a few hours!

Thanks for reading,
<3 Amanda

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Another Day, Another.....

Well, it's Wednesday August 7th. It is the first time I have been home since Princess has past. It just doesn't feel right. She is really gone. Zoey and Roxy, are back to normal. But something is missing. Even got a sorry for you lost card from my vet :(.

On top of that I have no motivation. I can't even focus on school. In this past week, I have been put on academic probation for the midterm grades. Which isn't my fault! I turned in my paper for my online class got a 50 on it (didn't met criteria bull crap). Obviously a lot of people did it wrong he made an announcement about it. Then in another class, I turned in an assignment to "turn it in" crap, and got a zero for not turning it in to the right spot i guess. I don't know! I'm just ugh. I will get back into the groove just have to deal with this first.

And of course, communication is down! on a plus side officially somewhere in the double digits. I can not wait! i hope it goes by faster than anything! <3

Trying to find the positives..........

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Health update.

This is an update from my previous blog 45 year old in 21 year old body.

Well, I have had the visual field exam. It really didn't make to much since. One thing that I am stuck on is the statistics. Out of the statistic of responses from woman around my age, I still fall inside of it but I'm slowly approaching the "ALARMING" zone?

I had a statistic of somewhere about 4.58 once I reach 5.00 is when they are concerned.

But they doctor can't answer:

  • Why is this happening?
  • What is causing it?
  • How can I prevent it?
I can't reverse it. So now I will try to remain positive and keep going on. There isn't anything he can do right now. No specialist will look at me because I'm not at the 5.00 or above. So here goes to another issue with so many unanswered questions. 

I just wish I would have one doctor put all these things together and see if there is an overall issue. Like all of these add up too one thing. but no one is catching on because all different doctors!

Monday, August 5, 2013

~Rest in Peace - Friday August 2nd, 2013~

Rest In Peace, Always be Missed but Never Forgotten

A way for me to move on.. If you read the blog completely Thank you for listening to my emotional babble. 

Rest in Peace, August 2, 2013.

This was Princess, she was 11 or 12 years old. I had rescued her from the SPCA. She came from a litter of four and was the runt. When we visited her and the others she came directly to me, that is how we knew she was the right one. So we brought her home shortly after she had been fixed. She was with me for about 11 years and four moves.

When she came home, we lived in a two story house. she stayed in my room for a week or two; then we decided to open the door. Of course she really never came out, maybe for a few minutes. But if something moved she ran back upstairs and to the bedroom. She rarely took to others. Princess really only took to my mom and myself. Maybe a few friends.

Well about 5 or 6 years later we moved. It was a one story house. Of course by that time we had acquired two dogs a dachshund and a T Chihuahua. Princess never really took to them. so when they came around her she would pop them, sometimes with nails. They eventually had a mutual thing where they would stop and let her walk around them. Eventually she began to come out a bit more. She even put her tail in J.R's(step dad) food. My mom and I think she didn't like him. Princess has never taken to men. While living here, in 2010 I started dating mac. She took to him right away.

Mac and I moved in together in 2011. She made a decent trip for not ever really going in a car. We lived in an apartment and Princess mainly stayed in the bedroom away from our dog (1 in the beginning). We got our second dog in July and she still hated dogs. She loved mac even slept above his head sometimes.

2012, we moved, well transferred to a town house. She came with of course. Her "safe zone" was either the bedroom or the bathroom upstairs. A baby gate was put up at the top of the stairs, this way the dogs would leave her alone. There as a big enough gap for her to slide under. She also had hiding spots I never found.

Now if you have been following my blog she had a mass removed back in June. I only found that out because she sat on the arm of the couch (DOWNSTAIRS), slept downstairs, everything downstairs. We later found out it was cancer, a very rare type. So now it was just a matter of time. The vet said my options were radiation, amputation, or leave it. (The removed the most they could.)

So it was a matter of making comfortable. And that I did. Since being free (from cone and cage) she had been downstairs.  I knew it was too good to be true. After 10 years she was downstairs, there was more I was just denying it. She even sat on the table while I sat on the couch (NEAR DOGS). She NEVER liked the dogs near her. So that was a Red Flag.

Well it had only been a month and a few days since the procedure. Thursday August 1st, was probably something I will never forget. It was the worse thing I have ever seen. She looked like she was in so much pain. Princess was sitting on the table, as "usual".  She looked at me all paws stretch so you could see the web, her head went back, body went forward, and she then flipped of the table, not landing on her feet. I picked her up she laid in my lap for about 20-30 mins on the couch (never have done that). She got off of me, the next thing I knew she was by the dog cages. She looked as if she was panting just about. So I took her upstairs, in hopes she need or would drink the water. She declined and laid there. Of course I couldn't do anything. So I let her rest on the counter top (still worried).

Well, that brings me to Friday the 2nd. I got up and left for work around 5am. Got home about 8, let the dogs out of their cages. Roxy was acting a bit weird, she kept running up and down the stairs then would jump on me, this repeated a bit. Zoey had been calm, laid down, tail down, overall sad look. So the third time Roxy jumped on me I decided to brush her. What originally turned into getting a brush turned into a nightmare.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

One heck of a weekend.

Good Afternoon,

I haven't been able to write as much as I would like. Especially with everything that has gone on. I really had a rough Friday. That will be coming in a blog soon. But for today I am wishing my mom a happy birthday!!! happy birthday mom:)

I'm happy to see her smile when she opened her presents :). It made my weekend so much better!

Another blog coming soon!